Saturday, 9 July 2016

Letter Sent by Local Racist Turns Out to Contain Sensible Advice

09 July 2016

Sources confirm, a Polish family, who received a letter telling them to leave the UK, has decided to mull over the advice in light of nationwide chaos caused by the vote to leave the EU.

The colourful expletives in the message served to highlight the urgency of the situation in the UK.

Despite containing numerous spelling and syntax errors, the unsigned letter has been judged by experts to contain guidance that could benefit both foreign and British nationals alike. Leaving the UK will allow people to escape the unfolding perfect storm of socio-economic problems.

Sociologists explain that among the factors impacting living standards in the UK, the quality of the local population is particularly key. “A society full of horrible arseholes, could lead to a nationwide haemorrhage of skilled workers.” warns Stephen Mills of the Open University.

“I was born and raised here” says recipient of the letter, Matylda Przybylska (22), “Now that the economy has collapsed, what’s keeping me here? The weather? The food? The charming, old-timey xenophobia?”

Next-door neighbour, John Chapman (42), has reportedly already built an application for Irish citizenship. “I think I have a second cousin in County Cork” he said. Chapman reportedly made his decision after feeling obliged to politely nod along with a taxi driver’s lengthy monologue about ‘the optimal skull shape’.

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